Do not give up

Oriol and I went to Institut Marquès after trying for a baby on our own, even though we were aware of our ages. Once we took the decision, we decided to go for it because we really wanted to start a family.

How to explain in these few lines the safeness and calmness the team of doctors made us feel! We left home after the first visit as if everything was going to be plain sailing. But, as you can imagine, it was not like that: after two attempts with my own eggs, Marisa told us to move on to egg donation. We both were very reluctant to the idea. Originally, neither Oriol nor I had considered the option of the child not carrying my genes, of not seeing myself reflected in him or her… Where would I be left in this part of the process? We thought about it, we took into account the pros and cons (I am very fond of doing pros and cons lists) and the truth is that there was only one con: that he or she would not inherit my genes (appearance, character…). How many times have we heard: “He looks just like his father” or “He looks like his mother” and it turns out that the child is adopted or the result of a gamete donation and we do not know about it. Children look and behave like their parents because they live and learn from them since they are small and therefore they adopt their attitude, character, etc. So we decided to jump in the deep, as what we really wanted was to start a family.

Marisa clarified our doubts with regards to the selection of the donor and we left it up to her to choose the one that best suited me. I left the consultation very calm, knowing that, after a year following our case, she already knew what I was like and was aware of my concerns.

As expected, the fertilisation process of the donor eggs was very good and the embryos seemed spectacular compared to the ones created with my own eggs. I remember when we saw them through the Embryoscope and we thought we could have a large family because each single one of them looked so good and, in fact, we had 90% perfect embryos. Imagine when they called me for the transfer… “Oh, God! But the “oven” is going to be the same!” The fear assailed me as soon as I thought about it. Marisa had it very clear and she told me that I did not have anything to worry about, as even 50-year-old women get pregnant.

Thinking about it, how could I be negative! So I took on a red sweater and I went to do the embryo transfer. Positive mental attitude is my favourite motto and I try to hold onto it because life tests us constantly and, sometimes, things do not go as planned. I remember that I wanted to die when the pregnancy test of the first transfer came back with a negative result, after ten days thinking, planning… I do not lie to you when I tell you that, both Oriol and I, we wanted to abandon our project of having a family. We had lost confidence, the world was falling apart and a year of failed treatments had begun to diminish our confidence, but Marisa does not give up, Priscilla does not give up, Anna does not give up! What a fantastic team of professionals and people! So we tried again, what was there to lose?

We had our large family waiting for us; we could not give it up. We made a second transfer and we waited the official10 days, very cautious and reticent, with our feet on the ground, although from time to time we looked at each other and laughed without saying anything else: we both knew that our future was in my womb. How to explain the feeling when Priscilla showed me a positive pregnancy test! It was like a wave of feelings: laughter, crying, happiness, and love. After leaving the consultation we told everyone crossing our way, we even met Anna Martí, who had made the transfer, and the biologist, Joan, who had performed the IVF and looked after our future baby. There is no better reward than hearing her little heart beating so strongly, in something as small as a grain of rice, reminding us that all the crying and discouragement had, in the end, led us to enjoy happiness at its fullest. So, as the flag bearer of the “Positive Mind Attitude”, I can only tell you: do not give up.

Oriol, Marina and Biel
(Tarragona, August 2018)